


pegsnavi: the pre-squeakal rawr xD

by orphan_account



Series: Hamilton Fics [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: F/M, FUCK, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, My Immortal - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry, i fucking hate this please blame fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 19:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7374184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>please block me</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My Immortal](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/211255) by XXXbloodyrists666XXX. 



pegsnavi: the pre-squeakal rawr xD  
written by: _XXXmnmixXXX_

Hi my name is peggy margarita schuyler and I have long chocolate brown hair (that’s how I got my name, somehow, I think my dad was drunk wen he names meh, but idc!) with tan streaks and mahogany tips that reaches my mid-back and cool brown eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Angelica schuyler (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to oscar ramos but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a candy addict but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a hot memester, and I go to a school called Liberty in America where I’m in the eighth year (I’m thirteen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a yellow summer dress with matching lace around it, white leggings and yellow dress shoes. I was wearing pink lipstick, tan foundation, black eyeliner and tan eye shadow. I was walking outside liberty. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of commoners stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey peggy!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Usnavi!

“What’s up Usnavi?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my closet and drank some OJ from a bottle I had. My closet was black ebony and inside it was hot pink. I got out of my room and took of my giant blink 182 t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a yellow leather dress, a star necklace, combat boots and white leggings on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy ponytail.

My friend, clara (AN: fluffy dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length brunette black hair with electric blue streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (purple lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Usnavi yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Usnavi?” she asked as we went out of the dressing room and into the hallway.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Usnavi walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, David Hasselhoff is having a concert in Albany.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love DH. He is my favorite band, besides blink 182.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

AN: FluffyTheUnicorn is a fucking monster and needs to drink some bleach brllllah


	2. pegsnavi: kinker my hot yow dinker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lampoo

pegsnavi: kinker my hot yow dinker  
written by: Are You Sure You Even Qualify As A Writer, I Mean There Weren’t Any Notes In This Or Anything; aka bludqueen_mnmix_666

 

On the night of the concert I put on my best yellow flats with little bows on top. Underneath them were lacy black stockings. Then I put on an orange mini-dress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching lace on my arms. I curled my hair and made it look all wavy. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some DH. I painted my nails lampoo white and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human sweat and tears so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Usnavi was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a The Expand Lins t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Usnavi!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Peggy.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 420smokfatdongerz) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to David Hasselhoff and blink 182. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to David Hasselhoff.

“Ocean man, take me by the hand  
Lead me to the land that you understand  
Ocean man, the voyage to the corner of the globe  
Is a real trip  
Ocean man, the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand  
Soaking up the thirst of the land” sang David (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“David is so fucking hot.” I said to Usnavi, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Usnavi looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Usnavi sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know David and he’s going out with a fucking a. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of their ugly furry face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Usnavi. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked David and his secret twin Daveed for their autographs and photos with them. We got DH concert tees. Usnavi and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Usnavi didn’t go back into Liberty, instead he drove the car into……………………… The Richard Rogers Theater!

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

AN: David Hasselhoff brings all the boys to the yard And they're like It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,   
But I have to charge


	3. pegsnavi: who's my dirty little slut? oh jeez that's me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bukkakedore

pegsnavi: who’s my dirty little slut? oh jeez that's me  
written by: *tips cowboy hat* hey ya’ll, names mix, mnmix. *Guitar strum*

 

“USNAVI!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Usnavi didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Peggy?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Usnavi leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic piss yellow eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just then Usnavi kissed me passionately. Usnavi climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and… wOAH WOAH WOAH, THESE ARE CHILDREN, GET THE FUCK AWAY.

 

-

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to descend into meme hell. We started to d-d-duel everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….John!

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

John made Usnavi and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You _overcooked flapjacks_!” He shouted.

I started to cry tears of Capri sun down my pallid face. Usnavi comforted me. When we went back to the school (I live there bc my stupid dad kicked me out because I was 'too goth’) John took us to Professor Ally and Professor Paige who were both looking very angry.

“They were having **yugioh duels** in the Richard Rogers Theater!” He yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you _fiddlestick filling fuckers_?” asked Professor Paige.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Ally.

And then Usnavi shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet John and Professor Paige still looked mad but Professor Ally said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Usnavi and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Peggy?” Usnavi asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black Crocs™. When I came out….

Usnavi was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘Goofy Goober Rock’ by DH. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

AN: HEY WHATS UP SUGAR DADDIES of District 9 ️Elder Price is having some trouble with CUMMIES ️For all you slutty missionaries who can't crush your GAY BOX and turn it OFF Pass this ON to the Fucking NaBonJovis like a LATTER who will MAN UP to help Elder Price BELIEVE and handle some SPOOKY MORMON DICK or else Elder Cunningham will command the angel Moroni on the DEATH STAR to unleash the KRAKEN which will then FIRE Joseph Smith TORPEDOES from its mouth of CHRIST to turn YOU into a LESBIAN you have until the next LATTER DAY to send these to your favorite fuck frogs :^))))))


	4. pegsnavi: the documentary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jesus died for your sins, not fucking this

pegsnavi: a documentary  
written by: pyrocynical is dating a fucking zygote, aka mnmix

 

The next day I woke up in my Shark Tale onesie. I put on a yellow short dress that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red peepos all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of Dawson earrings, and two lampoos in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with radical raspberry.

In the Cafeteria I ate FLEENSTONES cereal with jesus juice instead of milk, and a glass of gay Mormon tears. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the jesus juice spilled over my top.

“Kinker my dinker!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky brown hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Usnavi’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy ??? accent. He looked exactly like Mark Cohen but gay and depressed. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like a **mega card in yu-gi-oh** only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s MACKLEMORE IN JAPAN, although most people call me chicken shit these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of cock shit.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a weeaboo.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roar xD’d.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Usnavi came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

 

Usnavi and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Chicken shit. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Usnavi. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Usnavi. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started speaking french passively and we took off each others Yu-Gi-Oh! Battle Watches™ enthusiastically. He dueled me raw, then...

“Oh Usnavi, Usnavi!” I screamed while getting fucking played when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Usnavi’s arm. It was a dick butt with a slash through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… | || || | _!

I was so angry.

“papa dad!” I shouted, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Usnavi pleaded. But I knew too much.

 

“give me the milk!” I shouted. “You probably have mad cow disease anyway!”

I put on my Yu-Gi-Oh Battle Watch™ all huffily and then stomped out. Usnavi ran out even though he was Battle Watchless™. He had a really big wrist but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in chicken shit’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Ally and some other people.

“MACKLEMORE IN JAPAN, YOU DIRTY MEMESTER!” I yelled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

⚛Astro_Dogs⚛ - Today 8:00 PM  
> petition to launch mnmix out of our solar system

hamilhoe - Today 8:00 PM  
> we will not launch mnmix out of the solar system

⚛Astro_Dogs⚛ - Today 8:01 PM  
> WE ARE LAUNCHING MNMIX OUT OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM TONIGHT

hamilhoe - Today 8:01 PM  
> WE ARE NOT

⚛Astro_Dogs⚛ - Today 8:01 PM  
> YES

hamilhoe - Today 8:01 PM  
> NO

⚛Astro_Dogs⚛ - Today 8:01 PM  
> YES

the trash prince - Today 8:02 PM  
> I AGREE WITH DAWSON ON THIS ONE

the trash prince - Today 8:02 PM  
> PUNT MIX INTO THE SUN

hamilhoe - Today 8:02 PM  
> WE ARE NOT PUNTING MIX INTO THE SUN

the trash prince - Today 8:02 PM  
> WE NEED TO

the trash prince - Today 8:03 PM  
> IT'LL BE LIKE FIREWORKS BUT BETTER

hamilhoe - Today 8:03 PM  
> mnmix is a living meme we can't punt them into the sun

⚛Astro_Dogs⚛ - Today 8:03 PM  
> WATCH ME

Mckinley's Regret (Ally) - Today 8:03 PM  
> mnmeme


	5. pegsnavi: moans into vacuum cleaner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> water my thirsty crops daddy ;00

pegsnavi: moans into vacuum cleaner  
written by: beaner mnmix

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Usnavi came into the room even though he was gay and started begging me to take him back.

“Peggy, it’s not what you think!” Usnavi screamed sadly.

My friend J’AWN LAURALS smiled at me understatedly. He flipped his long blood red scarf and opened his crimson eyes like blood that he was wearing contact lenses on. He had pale white skin that he was wearing white makeup on. Dawson was kidnapped when he was born. His real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but M’arin killed his mother and his father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. He still has nightmares about it and he is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out his real last name is LovesFuckingMinions and not Dick-Jam. (Since he has converted to Satanism he is in the 18th layer of hell.)

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Ally demeaned angrily in her cold voice but I ignored her.

“Chiken Shit, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Usnavi!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Peggy was so mad at me. I had went out with Chicken Shit (I’m bi and so is Peggy) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked nina, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

“But I’m not going out with Usnavi anymore!” said Chicken Shit.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Richard Rogers Theater where I had lost my sanity to Usnavi and then I started to bust into tears.


	6. Usnavi for president

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miss me w/ that shit

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX1776XXXXXXXXXXX**  
I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Usnavi for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I **dueled** with Usnavi.  
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and a big nose and everything started flying towards me on a musket! He had a huge nose (basically like John Adams in the musical) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… John Adams!  
“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then John Adams shouted “Pay your taxes!” and I couldn’t run away.  
“Liberation!” I shouted at him. John Adams fell of his musket and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a Christian so I stopped.  
“Peggy.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Chiken Shit!”  
I thought about Chiken Shit and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like john laurens. I remembered that Usnavi had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Usnavi went out with Chiken Shit before I went out with him and they broke up?  
“No, John Adams!” I shouted back.  
John Adams gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.  
“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Usnavi!”  
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.  
John Adams got a dude-ur-so- **beaned** look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Chiken Shit then thou know what will happen to Usnavi!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his musket.  
I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Usnavi came into the woods.  
“Usnavi!” I said. “Hi!”  
“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing tan foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between linda manual mirror and David Hasselholf. “Are you okay?” I asked.  
“No.” he answered.  
“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.  
“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Liberty together **dueling**. 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

AN: #notmyrodrick


End file.
